My FINAL day of Radiation...

  I have to say that the last 3 weeks have actually gone by very fast. It is just so weird to me though that other then the massive headaches and trying to figure out how little of the steroids I should take to still feel normal I have felt pretty good up until this week. I felt earlier this week that it was me against my hair and my hair was winning! It started falling on Thur and by Sat it was just coming out in clumps. I had the boys this last weekend and they really had issues with me shaving my head in front of them and for this reason I chose to wait until they went back to their dad's. For me it was a very long weekend and something I just needed to do for the boys to not make things any harder for them. They have just about enough going on in their lives and I sure do not need to add to it but believe me the minute their dad picked them up on Sunday night and the door was closed I was asking for help to get this over with! There is very little that I have control of with cancer but I do have control of my feeling and me shaving my head when I want to and not because I have to feels like I am taking control of my situation. This is the 3rd time now for me losing my hair and it sucks to not have hair again but its hair and it will grow back (hopefully) I can think of a lot of things so much worse so I guess for me it has just been perspective :-) Now when I have lost my hair before my head was always very tender and sensitive and any hair that was there was always very soft but this time around has been so different. Even though my head was shaved with shaving cream and a shaver my head is so rough. I have been telling people it is like Velcro.... I lay down on my pillow at night and when I go to roll over I just stick to the pillow and take it with me. Its the same thing with hats and scarfs. They just stick and makes it so hard to wear them. On top of this my head is just so sore and hurts so much. By the end of the day I am in so much pain I cant wait to be alone and just relax my tired head. I was given some stuff today at my appointment to relive the pain and it does work when I first put it on but it really only last about 30 min and then I am back to feeling crummy again. Hey at least I am getting the 30 minutes of relief, right? My body is now feeling the last 3 weeks catching up with me. I am so tired..... I feel as if I need a nap at least 2 to 3 times a day. I don't want to live my life in bed and I have found myself the last few day pushing myself out of bed and moving so that I am not living here. I truly pray that all of the effects wont last to long and that I can feel somewhat normal again ( I am not even sure I know what normal is anymore) and just get back to enjoying and loving my family and friends!