Monday, February 13, 2012
A smile still on my face...
Well... I had my appointment with my Dr this afternoon after I had a great morning with Colby's class on a field trip to the Performing Art theater in Davis. It was a great field trip & the best part about it was when Colby leaned over to me & whispered in my ear "I am so glad you came with me mommy. I love you" How could this just not melt my heart? I knew at that moment that I was right where I needed to be. So on with the results... I had already prepared myself for the worst & knew that the cancer in my lungs had started to grow again. I was expecting for my Dr to tell me that we would be starting up on the chemo again & be prepared to get sick & lose the hair all over again, WTH!! I just had my hair colored & am feeling kinda pretty right now. Was I really going to have to do this again? The answer to this big question was NO!! I do have a 20% increase of cancer growth in my lungs but what we are going to try is a oral medication of 2 pills that I take daily that really shouldn't be to hard on the body. With this I may have some nausea but my Dr really feels that it shouldn't be to bad. We will try this for the next month or so & see how my body & the cancer responds. My prayer at this point is that my body along with these drugs can fight it for a while so that I can enjoy as much time with my family & friends as I can, The minute I start back on the IV chemo things always get so much harder & I find myself getting so grumpy with people. I don't like that & that's not the person I want to be. So when I look back on today I would have to say it was one successful day & hey, I am still smiling. All though the smile may also be from the thought of at this time next week I will be on the cruise laying in the sun enjoying more of the beautiful things that God has to offer us. I am so excited & just cant wait to see & do things that I have never done before. I am sure there will be lots of pictures for all to see soon.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Reflection...
First let me start off saying that I had such a wonderful weekend in Portland with Becca & Devon. It was so great seeing some of my friends that I haven't seen in a year. It was a beautiful weekend & we kept joking that I brought the warm California sun with me as it had been raining before I got there & then was supposed to start raining again the day after I left. None the less the weather was just awesome. I have been to Portland quite a few times now & every time I go they always take me some where new that I have never been. On this trip we went to Mt Hood.... Wow, what a sight!! The sky was so blue & the mountain just stood out so beautifully with the sky behind it. What a sight!
You know it's funny how something can happen in your life that just make you appreciate things so much more. I thought when my mom passed away so suddenly that was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Never did I think that things might get worse then that. When she passed away I realized that I needed to appreciate my own friends & family so much more & tell them as much as I could how much I loved them. Never ever do I want anyone in my life to not know just how I feel about them. When I got cancer the first time things seemed to change even more not only then do I appreciate my family & friends but I needed to appreciate my life & whats around me. I had been given so much & there is always so much beauty every where I turned. Now here we are on the 2nd time around with cancer. I have to be real with myself & I know that this cancer will kill me. I am not saying that I am giving up this fight at all or that it is going to happen anytime soon just that I know that it will happen in the future. This makes me want to just enjoy & love everything around me. I want to see things I have never seen before. I want to spend as much time with all the people that I love. I cant continue this fight without all my friends & family by my side! So why so somber all of a sudden, you ask. It has been a week of deep reflection for me. I go see the Dr on Monday for the result of my lung scan & I already know what he is going to say. I can feel the cancer growing in my lungs again. You just learn to know your body & that things are different. It was the same way when the cancer returned the 2nd time. Before the Dr even called me or even before I started the testing I just knew that it was back so there was really no shock when he told me just sadness & worry for my children. If I go into this appointment thinking the worst then if he happens to give me good news well then all that worry was for nothing but if I get the news I expect then I am not shocked & don't feel like I have been hit by a bus. So what am I trying to say? That I love each & everyone of you & am so thankful for the gift of such wonderful people in my life! XOXO
You know it's funny how something can happen in your life that just make you appreciate things so much more. I thought when my mom passed away so suddenly that was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Never did I think that things might get worse then that. When she passed away I realized that I needed to appreciate my own friends & family so much more & tell them as much as I could how much I loved them. Never ever do I want anyone in my life to not know just how I feel about them. When I got cancer the first time things seemed to change even more not only then do I appreciate my family & friends but I needed to appreciate my life & whats around me. I had been given so much & there is always so much beauty every where I turned. Now here we are on the 2nd time around with cancer. I have to be real with myself & I know that this cancer will kill me. I am not saying that I am giving up this fight at all or that it is going to happen anytime soon just that I know that it will happen in the future. This makes me want to just enjoy & love everything around me. I want to see things I have never seen before. I want to spend as much time with all the people that I love. I cant continue this fight without all my friends & family by my side! So why so somber all of a sudden, you ask. It has been a week of deep reflection for me. I go see the Dr on Monday for the result of my lung scan & I already know what he is going to say. I can feel the cancer growing in my lungs again. You just learn to know your body & that things are different. It was the same way when the cancer returned the 2nd time. Before the Dr even called me or even before I started the testing I just knew that it was back so there was really no shock when he told me just sadness & worry for my children. If I go into this appointment thinking the worst then if he happens to give me good news well then all that worry was for nothing but if I get the news I expect then I am not shocked & don't feel like I have been hit by a bus. So what am I trying to say? That I love each & everyone of you & am so thankful for the gift of such wonderful people in my life! XOXO
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