Sunday, April 1, 2012
Aches & Pains
As I lay here tonight in complete pain & my body just aching all over I wonder if I should post tonight on how I am feeling. I don't want to be a complainer but then i remind myself why I started this blog. I wanted to not only help myself get stuff off my chest but to also give others an avenue of information on how they may feel if they are going through this. So with that I will post my feeling tonight. I don't think that I have ever been so frustrated in my life! All the simple things that you always take for granted have become so hard for me. I have lost the strength in my hands so not only now do I drop things constantly but I can't open things up anymore. A bottle of water you would think would be so simple & every time I pick one up I still try & open it with no luck.... Ughhh I think what is hard right now is when I am traveling I can't lift my baggage up to the over head compartment. If you look at me right now I look like a perfectly healthy normal person & when I ask someone for help they just look at me like I am just a wimp & do I really need their help. It makes me feel bad! I have always been someone who takes care of myself & does just about everything I could by myself so to even ask someone for help is alot for me. I guess that is just something that I need to work through myself. I thought when the Dr put me onto these new pills that it was going to be easier on my body & really it is alot better then the chemo IV but I am really surprised with how much my body aches. I had already started having issues with my arms, neck & shoulders but thought that would slowly go away after being off of the IV but that has just gotten worse & now my legs just ache. I move very slowly when getting up or walking on stairs. Its almost like being a 80 yr old women. I was talking to my brother in law Rich today about just this. He has been having alot of issues with his back for the last few years & his pain can be far worse then mine at times but he was saying that at one point he would have a bad day & the pain would be at a level 2 but the next day it might be a 0. Now the pain never goes away it is always a level 2 & above. This is just how I am feeling now a days. It's always there it never goes away & I am now just learning how to live with it. Yes, I could take pain medication but this knocks me out & I don't want to spend my life all drugged out & sleeping through everything. So as I lay here tonight I wonder is it going to get any better. I have started the coughing again also & I worry that the cancer may be growing in my lungs again. Then again if I get lucky maybe its just a cold & hopefully a few days will tell me the answer. I don't know but I just wanted to share my feeling with all of you & time will only tell.
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Oh my dear Sister, how I wish I could just take some of this pain for both you and Rich!!! With Rich's pain being especially bad tonight (I guess it is actually this morning), it makes me wish that much harder that there was something I could do to ease this pain for both of those that I love so much. Thanks for being willing to share your journey. It is good for you to share, both the positive things and the things that are hard. Love you!!
ReplyDeleteShana, this is VonZza Melville. I've known you since you were a little girl and am so sorry that you have this trial with it's pain and worry. Keep up the fight! My prayers will be with you. I, too have had my sufferings -much as you have described. So, I have empathy for you. I cannot open a water bottle either or put my luggage in the overhead. Cling to your courage and fortitute, faith, and family. God will see you through this.
ReplyDeleteConnie, I don't know what to say other than I love and value you. Thank you for the kindness you've always showed me and for your words that show strength and fortitude even when expressing your difficulties. You are amazing!!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Connie - This is Kira Snow Zemenchik. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I and my family will keep you in my prayers. You are beautiful, wonderful, and kind. I appreciate you writing this blog, as it will help many others who are suffering like you. For the last nine years, I have also learned that life is not fair. My daughter required 24/7 nursing care after a tumor damaged her lungs. She had a tracheostomy and she was very ill often. We are no strangers to hospitals and much pain. It took me a long time to have faith and understand why our loved ones have to suffer so much. My faith in God is much stronger now, and I now understand God's love for us. Keep being strong! You sound like an incredible mother. My motto has become, "One minute and a time." Some minutes seem so long. We have three more surgeries to get through this year, but I know God will help my daughter get through her challenges, as I know God will help you also. Don't forget it is okay to cry and vent:).
ReplyDeleteLadies... Thank you so much for your comments. If I can touch 1 person with this blog & help them then this blog has done just what I wanted it to do. I am soo thankfulfor my Heavenly Father & I know he loves me! I may not understand why I am going through this now but at some point this will be manifested to me. So in the mean time I will make the best of what I have been given & enjoy every minute of my live, my friends & my family!
ReplyDeleteHi brave long, long time friend:
ReplyDeleteHow I love you and what a treat to have you in our ward.
I loved your boys when I was in Primary. I am not a face-
book person (can't hold still long enough at the computer)but I watch you at church and am impressed with
your countenance. You are here to teach us how to endure
happily to the end of our lives. Your name is on the temple rolls every week we work at the Baptistery.
Hugs, (alias Sister "J") Marilyn