And so it begins....

     So I have been told over & over by people that I need to get a blog so everyone can keep up with whats going on with me & the kids. So I am going to give this a try. I am not to sure every ones going to be that interested in what I have to say but here we go.

   Let me just start with a little bit about our family first. I have 4 wonderful children that I completely adore! My oldest is Bladen he is 22. He is living with me right now at home. When we found that the cancer had returned he stepped up to the plate & moved back home so that he could help take care of me & his brothers. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love my son for this. He is such a wonderful kids & I so appreciate everything that he does for us as a family. He is currently working at Rite Aid & seems to be really enjoy his job as of now. I don't think he will complain to much as it took him so long to find this job & is just happy to be working again. He is thinking of moving into his own place here in the next few month which I know will be great for him & he will be staying here in our apartment complex to help whenever it is needed. Crystal is 19 and is currently living in San Jose with her boyfriend Mark. It was very hard to have her move so far from home but she seems to be doing great there & is happy. She is currently looking for a job & still contemplating going back to school but right now the job is more important as she needs to pay her rent. Mark & her were both here for Christmas & we had a great time. I love spending as much time as I can with her when she is here & I really miss her everyday. Cameron is 9 & will be 10 in March. He is currently in 4th grade & loves school. He does very well & as of right now I never have to worry about his grades. He is such a great kids! It's funny I can see him in the other room busy with other stuff & I think his is not paying attention to whats going on but if I am talking to someone he can always repeat what has been said at a later date. He is the one child that really holds back his feeling but once you have made it into his circle you have a friend for life. Then there is the baby of the family Colby he is 8 now & I call him my cuddle bug. He is in 2nd grade & struggles with school a bit but everyday he keeps trying & it get a little easier day by day. He is just the sweeties child! He always knows when something is bothering me & is the first one to ask if I am OK. I love all the hugs & loves that I get from him & I miss them so much when they are at their dad's every other week. So that's it for the kids now on to me. I am not sure where to even begin I guess I will go back to my 40th birthday in 2007. I got a call from my Dr that day that changed my life. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I keep thinking this just couldn't be happening but it was true & I needed to deal with it & move on to fighting this. I went in for surgery for a mastectomy on Jan 12th & 2 weeks later started chemo which ended up lasting a year & half. In about the middle of chemo I also had radiation done this was 5 days a week for 2 months. If I ever have to think about doing radiation again I am not sure that I would do it again. I thought chemo was bad but I think radiation was soo much worse & I just remember being in so much pain & I really don't want to take that pain again. After all of this I was given the thumbs up from my Dr's in June of 2009 that I was cancer free. I was so happy that this part of my life was over & that I had beat cancer. I never in a million years thought my cancer would come back as quickly as it did. In Dec of 2010 I starting having issues with my breathing. I thought it was my Asthma as I have had this issue in the past but this just continued to get worse as the months went by. I had a feeling something was up but my insurance didn't kick in for work until March so I was trying to wait until then. In February I found a lump in my collar bone area & everything just clicked for me at that point & I just knew that the cancer had returned. That was one of the longest month as I was still waiting  for my insurance to kick in so that I could go to my Oncologist to see what was going on. After a lot of different testing in July of 2011 I was diagnosed once again with stage 4 recurring breast cancer that has metastasized to my lungs & collar bone along with 5 tumors in my brain. This just couldn't be happening again & so soon!! I always thought that it might come back but it was going to be a long way off & not a year & a half after I had been given the all clear. So what am I going to do this time. I am going to fight with all I have! I have 4 kids that I love & 2 which I still need to be here to raise. I will not give up hope!!
   So here we are today I have done chemo since July & am currently on a break from it as my body wasn't responding well. It looks like I will be starting up again in February as the tumors are beginning to grow again. Along with that we have found 2 more tumors on my brain that they will treat with the Gamma Knife Radiation sometime in February. At this point I take everything day by day. I love my life, my children & my friends am so blessed to have all of these things in my life. I look forward every day to spend as much time with all of them as I can!